So you think your Dad’s an asshole, huh? Take a gander at this fella (you can find part 1 in my past posts) and see what makes him Father of the Universe!!
A. Doesn’t your father drive a motor scooter with his dog in a baby pouch in front of him? Who would believe it if he did?
Was your Dad in the Marines only to get sick during training, end up in the hospital, call his girlfriend in New Jersey from the hospital phone to talk for 6 hours. This was possibly the reason they put locks on long distance calls in hospitals. Needless to say he was dishonorably discharged but still proudly considers himself one of “The Few, The Proud, The Marines!”
When your morbidly obese mother collapses in an attempt to get her to the ER and 911 needs to be called. Does your father not visit her for 3 days so he can record jokes into a $40 Radio Shack recorder to play for her. This touching tribute included racist jokes, singing, ukulele playing and the beloved dogs howling in the background. The highlight was running into him in the hospital lobby in his sailor ensemble so he could play it loudly for us. p.s.- The Timex watch was given to him by my brother. Dad called my brother to tell him that a jeweler who was switching out the band told him that it was a fake. Who in the hell makes a fake Timex? Why?
Does your Dad label every piece of clothing he owns. Why? Is someone less likely to take the black satin shirt if the word Barry is embroidered on it. He even had his purple seat covers in his car embroidered with his name on them. If you are a mediocre bowler why not put your scores on your shirt too!
I think that Barry Barr might be my way out of teaching. Maybe I could do a weekly video on You-Tube. People often think I make up some of these stories but who could make this crap up. Please see my Father’s Day tribute called Let’s Lighten Things Up (in my past posts) for more of his antics and these are just a few. What do you think, could the years of living with an Asshole Dad be my way to a better life??