I feel so selfish with this constant stirring. I want to go. I want outta this town, this house, this job, and this life. The only thing that I want to hang onto is my husband. My husband is so content in this job, this town and this life. He is happy to wake up everyday, drive for an hour to work and come home to this house day in and day out. I am not and will never be. Once my daughter left for college I have lost the need of my job as a teacher and this house that feels like a cave that has too much stuff. I do anything to stay out of that house. Maybe it’s the fact that I only needed and bought that house to provide a stable and content environment for her. I don’t have the urge for a stable environment anymore because without her nothing feels stable or content. I know I know I should be grateful for this life, this house, and this job but I’m not. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like my mind and my soul are screaming at me to go. So the cruise position that I previously interviewed for is out because of the long time away from my husband. So I have now applied to work this summer in a summer camp in a castle in Ireland that brings in seriously ill children from all over the world for a few days to a week at a time. Could there be a better job? What could be better than making these children smile and knowing that just for a moment you have taken their mind off of their illness and made them smile or even better laugh with your goofy ways. The smiles and the laughter of the children are the part I most miss about teaching. That and the funny comments that are often insults (like: Mrs. G, your tooth sticks out!) that are usually said with such innocence that you can’t help but laugh. But that is for a different post.
This position would bring me to Ireland (did I mention it’s a castle?) for the summer (June to August). I haven’t told Handy (my sweet husband who is the polar opposite of Handy) that I am applying, thinking that there’s no guarantee that I would even be considered for this position. If I were to be considered, I think he could handle 2 months of my absence. My daughter has applied for a community service program in Kolkata, India through her University but says if she isn’t accepted (they are only accepting 8 students) she would like to apply to volunteer at the camp as well. Then there’s the expense of getting there. It is up to the volunteers to get themselves there. I’m sure I could find a deal on a roundtrip ticket (I hope) and once you are there all food and housing are paid. Guilt or not I’m sending in the application and can’t wait to see what happens. Wish me luck!