I notice a message on my phone asking me to call my ex-sister in-law. She tells me that my ex-husband and father of my child is dead. “What, How, Why”, I ask. She says he and his current wife were taking some pills the night before. Suddenly his change of behavior over the last few years all made sense. My sister in-law also tells me that someone has posted it on Facebook and I need to reach my daughter (who is 2 states away at college) before she sees the post on Facebook. Apparently his family had been trying to call her but she wasn’t answering. I call and my daughter answers on the first ring. I am crying hysterically and tell her what has happened. She screams, runs out of the building and collapses on a sidewalk. Later I learn that she had been studying in a classroom and did not have any phone reception but for some reason my call got through. As I am consoling her on the phone I am making flight reservations and am on a plane (which thankfully was delayed or I never would have made it) within 2 hours. I leave the house with only a debit card, text my sister and ask her to make rental car and hotel accommodations. The rental car agency will not rent me a car without a credit card. It’s midnight, snowing and dark so I walk down the street to another rental agency. This agency finally rents me a car and I go pick up my daughter from her dorm. We spend the night in a hotel talking, sharing memories and crying. The next day I call the dean and explain the situation. It us finals week during her first semester at college. The dean tells me not to worry about a thing and to just take her and go.
I won’t go into the difficulty we faced trying to get him put to rest with his drug addicted wife holding all of the legal power. That was probably the most difficult part.
That was 2 years ago today and it still is so raw. Going through that with her will always be one of the most difficult things we’ve ever faced. Today I am thinking of him and his life. Sometimes while meditating I swear I see him fishing in a lake in the mountains and it gives me peace because all he ever wanted to do was fish.